Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Top Five Vehicles for Bachelors Wanting to Attract the Right Girl

Frankly, I think the notion of a car as bait to attract the right girl is highly over-rated.  But thanks to a conversation I had last night with fellow tennis player and marketing Guru "Stevie Wonder" Sunshine, what follows are ten cars guaranteed to improve your chances to attract the right woman.  Note that there is no one type of vehicle  guaranteed to create a magic mojo, just as there are no one type of woman. And just because you strike an emotional cord with your wheels, doesn't mean there is a substitute for looks and personality. In the film American Graffiti Toad gets to drive Steve's "hot" 1958 Chevy Impala, but Toad's appearance and geekiness can't be taken away from him no matter he has for wheels. In some cases, the best thing you can do is go to the gym.

1. BMW 650i convertible. My 5 Seasons friend Bill Palmer has one of these and I still don't see the women flocking around him! The 650i is one of the most magnificent cars on the market today, and it will attract a refined middle aged women who has good taste and knows how to spend money on the finer things of life. You will attract a woman who not only looks at the luxury articles advertised in the first section of The New York Times, but buys them. Take he on a winding road at sunset, top down, playing Pavarotti, and you may win a true friend.

2. Toyota Prius.  So you don't have 108k to spend on a BMW. The Prius will attract the Eco-friendly woman who wears Birkenstocks and lives in Yellow Springs, Ohio. Unless you are an Obama/Biden supporter, a true believer of Global Warming and Climate Change, and totally against human trafficking, you should be wary of taking this route.  A double-minded man who secretly desires high performance and clean lines need not apply here. And these women often prove to be quite unstable.

3. Cadillac Escalade.   Women attracted to the BMW tend to be more sophisticated, refined and cultured, with broader philosophical outlooks. Those who like the Escalade are more grasping, crude, and materialistic without thinking carefully about what they want. An Escalade women shops at Macy's; a BMW 650i woman goes to Von Maurer (Patricia D.?) or Bloomingdales.  These Escalade types are very irritating -- so if you want to attract one, God Bless you, because you will need it. They wear Jewelry that is without true distinction, read trashy novels, and generally have poor manners. People who drive these vehicles are generally jack-asses, and jack-asses of either gender tend to attract each other, subsequently breeding small jack-asses that torment fellow children at school

4. Ford F-150 Lariat.  This is the vehicle for those who want to attract the nesting type of woman.  She is looking for a handy-Andy who will spend weekends going to Home Deport and bringing back paint, drywall, and lumber. You must like Country music, TV, guns, and preferably attend a Baptist Church. Need I say more?

5. Volvo S-60.  This is a good car if you wish to attract a professional women who is either an accountant or scientist. It is luxurious enough to impress them with your ability to be a good provider. Yet, with the T-5 engine it has enough power to vent aggressive tendencies after a day working with Dilbert in a corporate setting.  A steady and reliable car that says you are comfortable with your middle class values and work ethic, and do not need to impress those around you with flash. A very safe car,that projects a safe person.

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